There are times when I'm terrified to doubt. There are times when the lights go out and I shake, thinking about the word eternity and what that entails and all of the sudden, I'm dizzy.
I can't relate with loss -- not in any real, tangible way, not in a mom dad sister best friend boyfriend kind of way, but doubt, certainly, strikes a chord with me.
Sometimes, when I get scared, I do everything I can to not ask all of the terrible questions I'm dying to know the answers, the ones that fall like quiet bombs and leave my head spinning. Sometimes the doubts I have are the same as Lewis'; I rarely have moments where I doubt the existence of God, because I've seen him, felt him, tasted him too many times for that, but sometimes it's his character I wonder about -- his love.
It's scary and it feels like swallowing.
Seeing other people (and by that I mean, seeing people named C.S. Lewis, a man who is like a king of Christian thinking) ask the same questions and think the same thing is profoundly shaking, but very cool in a way. That he could wonder about the character and love of God blows my mind.
I think it’s important to savor that doubt. Prof. Corrigan kept saying this week not to “rush to pat answers” or “run to consolation” but instead to let these questions shake us from the inside. When we stop asking the questions that terrify us and make us examine faith, make us turn to apologetics to figure out and demand some answers to questions that are hard to ask, we start relying on blind faith and hocus-pocus.
From there, it’s only a short just to being the homeless person on the street corner rambling to himself, crazier and blinder than an outhouse rat.
This makes me think of the verse 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says that we don't suffer things that are unique to us; we are reassured that there are others who have been through what we go through and those who are going through it with us.
ReplyDeleteI especially thought it was great how you ended saying if you don't ask questions, then your faith isn't growing. If your faith isn't growing, then it is worthless.
I loved what you wrote. I think all of us seriously struggle with doubt sometime in our life. It so easy to run away from truly examining our fears and the questions they raise. But this is so important, especially when it comes to our relationship with Christ. If we never face what we are most afraid of, we will never learn or grow.
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